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That's a good thing, isn't it?

[He shifts to bring his communicator up, sending Roxy a quick text before returning his full attention to the other boy.]

Being able to look toward the future... it's not something we were able to do for a long time. Isn't something like that a kind of hope?

[He laughs a little.]

Oh it is very much hope! But, it's a different hope from what I had been reaching for. I feel like going this way I might end up greedy.

I think you're allowed to be, for something like this. As long as it doesn't intentionally hurt anyone else.

[Luck-induced injuries are kind of inevitable?? But hopefully Hinata's presence can lessen that. And that "anyone" includes Komaeda himself, too.]

I won't say not to worry but... just keep believing in me. Okay?

I'm not going to go out of my way to hurt someone.

[ He supposed that warning was fair though. Actually it even reminded him of something. ]

I'll even listen to Dirk kun and won't do something to make you shoot me. I'll just believe in your potential instead.

Though... the thought is still exciting.

Were you... planning on something like that...?

[Komaeda.........]

You should already know that I wouldn't shoot you.

That's what he said. Of course I would have to make a situation where it would be forced, but he pointed out that would be a bad idea.

That would be a terrible idea, yeah.

[Ugh... he presses his hand to his forehead in an attempt to ward off a headache.]

I know you told Ichinose about what happened, too... do you really have to go around spreading that story? She scolded me for it.

Was it suppose to be a secret? It came up in conversation.

[He hadn't thought of it as important to keep hidden. ]

I mean, yeah! Most people would worry if you told them one of their friends had to try to shoot himself to prove a point.

[Ugh. UGH. He rubs his temples for a moment before sighing and shaking his head.]

It's not something I would have done if I'd seen any other easy way to prove it. That's all.

I didn't exactly want you to do that either. It was rather uncomfortable to watch you know.

But... I won't tell anyone else, if that's what you want. I wish I had thought of the better solution before that.

[But, of course, the better solution wasn't actually a better one.]

Is there anything else you would want me to not talk about?

I wanted you to realize that you could be safe, around me.

[It's done. What's in the past is in the past. He just shakes his head and sighs through his nose.]

If it's anything to do with the Kamukura Project... I'd rather explain that on my own terms. Is there anyone else you've talked to about this?

I'm still not completely sure about that, but, I really want to believe in it, so I will.

[Because he wanted to be able to hang around Hinata, and worrying about what might happen made that difficult. If trusting in him made that just a little easier....]

Oh, I spoke with Dirk kun, but he seemed to already know things, and I didn't add any information.

[He pauses a moment, oh there was that one slip up....]

I might have said something a bit much to Jake kun, ah! But I didn't say too much.

[Just Human Experimentation, that wasn't too much, right?]

...Yeah, Dirk knows everything. He had questions about my soul, so that was inevitable. Jake...

[Ugh. Poor gun friend. Hinata owes him a call to explain.]

What did you tell him, exactly?

He does seem like the kind to meddle into things he's noticed.

[Was it really a good thing to see into peoples souls? He felt it wasn't.]

He expressed that you had suddenly gotten very impressive, and I suggested potentially human experimentation. But don't worry, I said I didn't know much, because, honestly those documents didn't say much.

Though, inferring a lot of different things it's not hard to put them all together.

He's a very nice person, and I think he cares a lot about you. You've made good friends here. But, you were always good at that, weren't you?

He was worried about me.

[It's true, Dirk was concerned that the Hinata he'd known was no longer the Hinata standing before him. Which is a matter of philosophical debate, really.

Hinata's not exactly flattered by Komaeda's assessment of having "gotten very impressive." More embarrassed than anything else, and a little bitter that only now can he be seen as impressive.]

So even you don't know the full details...

[It's a murmur, more to himself than to the other boy as he nods and exhales a sigh through his nose.]

I wasn't always good at making friends, you know. Outside the Neo World Program, there was really just... Nanami and Kuzuryuu.

I understand he was, but he lacks tact.

[Komaeda was the last person who should be talking about that.

As for Impressiveness or not, Hinata was always someone he considered full of potential, it was only Jakes assessment that he was now impressive. Personally Komaeda felt Hinata had gotten more difficult.]

It's hard to know the full details when ones source is limited. Though... maybe I wouldn't mind learning some of them.

[Souda had mentioned things which did make him curious about his school memories and stuff in the past. He didn't want to feel being left behind.]

Did you really try though? I had no friends, and now I have several people saying they are mine. I had none before, and then you tried to be mine. Maybe it's just something you didn't let be.

[There's a small pause though.]

Ah, so she was even someone known outside the class. She must have been quite amazing. Souda kun also mentioned her.

[Though he was still a little confused about it all. She was an AI, right? But then, also an actual person?]

Edited (I completely forgot he had this conversation already.) 2016-11-05 16:26 (UTC)

I don't want to repeat anything you already know, but if you want to ask about the Project... I don't mind.

[He nods and shrugs a little. It's true, he never had tried to make friends with most of the Reserve Course.]

I never really tried, no. Almost everyone I met was... boring. They had no ambition to try to become someone better. Nanami...

[He shifts, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out her Galaga hair pin, holding it in his palm.]

She was your classmate. The Super High School Level Gamer. The Nanami you remember from the program was a gestalt AI, made up of all our memories of the person we wanted to see again most. She... was the only person who didn't care about my lack of talent. She just wanted to be my friend and play games with me. They're both "Nanami," and yet, each of them was their own person.

[He tilts his head back, gazing up at the ceiling with a wistful smile that fades after a few seconds.]

She was the only person who made me think, even for a second, that having a normal life would be okay. Kuzuryuu's murder changed all that.

You mean someone with talent?

[Because why should they? It wasn't like working hard would change that. Look at what Hinata had to go through to gain it.]

This is what I find annoying. This is also what I thought had probably happened. You wanted that so badly you had to be stupid about it, didn't you. Why should they try hard for something that was impossible? Why not accept their lot in life graciously? One can admire something without needing to be part of it. Sometimes being worthless is better than on the edge of it.

Boring uninteresting lives... those can be alright too. I don't think she was wrong. You were just being hard headed and ignored her, didn't you?

Though, having done that works out better in the long run, it's still stupid.

"Accept their lot in life...?"

[Maybe a long time ago, that would have sparked Hinata into a rage. And even now, he can't deny the way something grinds angrily in his heart, gears shuddering to a stop as his voice drops into something a touch more monotone and dangerous. He glances sideways to the other boy, closing his hand into a fist around the small hair pin.]

You can't expect people to sit back and accept being worth less than nothing. When I attempted to investigate Kuzuryuu's murder, I was told that it didn't matter if a few Reserve Course students killed each other. I couldn't accept that. Lives, talented or not, have meaning.

This idea that those without talent are worthless is what made it so easy for Enoshima to infect everyone with Despair. Don't forget that.

Is it really? Hard to accept? A worthless life filled with uneventful days is perfectly fine, there's nothing wrong with that. As for the killing, that was just part of a cover up, wasn't it? That sort of thing would happen regardless. scapegoats found and situations made for convenience.

[ Talent or not. ]

Easy for despair, but, that is the point a strong hope can be born. They are the favored ones in the end.

No, that's wrong. It's not worthless, Komaeda.

[His voice grows a little sharp as he turns, fully facing the other boy with his fist still clenched around the pin.]

No one's life is worthless. Having or not having talent doesn't matter. Everyone's life has meaning.

[He repeats it, emphasizing everyone and looking the other in the eye. Even Komaeda's life has meaning, not just his death as they'd all experienced it in the program.]

And what is the meaning of mine?

[Tell him that, because any meaning there was to it was just too much.]

There is no meaning. All that matters is what you can contribute.

Even here... I can't contribute much. You tried hard before, you're ambitious, you meddle, that accounts for things in a place like this. And now, you can do everything, right? You're impressive. I just make things difficult.

I can't tell you that.

[Sure, he could say that the meaning to Komaeda's life is to atone for everything he'd done during Despair. But it's not fair to expect that of someone who still can't remember that time. And to say that the entire meaning of his life is to make up for what he'd done on the island is too selfish, too self-serving for Hinata to even contemplate.]

I can't tell you exactly what to do. It's still your decision, in the end. But I don't think your life is worthless.

[He tilts his head again, meeting Komaeda's eyes.]

You can learn anything you want. People were willing to teach me here, they'll be willing to teach you. Ask Roxy to teach you how to program. Ask Dirk to teach you how to build robots. Ask Souda, or Tsumiki, or even me. If you really want a way to contribute, we can help.

[The corner of his lips quirk up into a smile.]

If Dirk heard you complaining about how you can't contribute and that somehow makes you worthless, he'd treat you to a lecture breaking down the entire theory of capitalism.

If it's about learning, anyone can learn. I've already learned a lot.

[Just through the manuals and texts he had gotten from the library. If he wanted more there were other things he could get from Ursula. Sure he could also ask other people too, but books were always easier to study. But anyone could learn something, it wasn't that hard. At least, that's how he felt about it. If he could learn things like that it had to be easy.]

I tried to help with the submarine.

[In the end it was better to not touch anything.]

As for capitalism... what does that have to do with anything?

[Really, what did that have to do with anything? That was confusing even. Did money even matter here? He barely felt it mattered back home.]

I'll help you, too.

[In case... it's his luck he's worried about again. As usual. Especially considering he had to be an amateur fire-fighter thanks to Komaeda's luck.

He huffs a quiet laugh and just shakes his head, resisting the urge to press his fingertips to his forehead again.]

It's basically the theory that your life only has value if you can contribute to the corporate machine, or something. He's from a... pretty unique set of circumstances, so he has some different ways of looking at the world.

[But more seriously, he leans forward.]

I mean it though, Komaeda. No one here is worthless. That includes you.

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