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I don't want to repeat anything you already know, but if you want to ask about the Project... I don't mind.

[He nods and shrugs a little. It's true, he never had tried to make friends with most of the Reserve Course.]

I never really tried, no. Almost everyone I met was... boring. They had no ambition to try to become someone better. Nanami...

[He shifts, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out her Galaga hair pin, holding it in his palm.]

She was your classmate. The Super High School Level Gamer. The Nanami you remember from the program was a gestalt AI, made up of all our memories of the person we wanted to see again most. She... was the only person who didn't care about my lack of talent. She just wanted to be my friend and play games with me. They're both "Nanami," and yet, each of them was their own person.

[He tilts his head back, gazing up at the ceiling with a wistful smile that fades after a few seconds.]

She was the only person who made me think, even for a second, that having a normal life would be okay. Kuzuryuu's murder changed all that.

You mean someone with talent?

[Because why should they? It wasn't like working hard would change that. Look at what Hinata had to go through to gain it.]

This is what I find annoying. This is also what I thought had probably happened. You wanted that so badly you had to be stupid about it, didn't you. Why should they try hard for something that was impossible? Why not accept their lot in life graciously? One can admire something without needing to be part of it. Sometimes being worthless is better than on the edge of it.

Boring uninteresting lives... those can be alright too. I don't think she was wrong. You were just being hard headed and ignored her, didn't you?

Though, having done that works out better in the long run, it's still stupid.

"Accept their lot in life...?"

[Maybe a long time ago, that would have sparked Hinata into a rage. And even now, he can't deny the way something grinds angrily in his heart, gears shuddering to a stop as his voice drops into something a touch more monotone and dangerous. He glances sideways to the other boy, closing his hand into a fist around the small hair pin.]

You can't expect people to sit back and accept being worth less than nothing. When I attempted to investigate Kuzuryuu's murder, I was told that it didn't matter if a few Reserve Course students killed each other. I couldn't accept that. Lives, talented or not, have meaning.

This idea that those without talent are worthless is what made it so easy for Enoshima to infect everyone with Despair. Don't forget that.

Is it really? Hard to accept? A worthless life filled with uneventful days is perfectly fine, there's nothing wrong with that. As for the killing, that was just part of a cover up, wasn't it? That sort of thing would happen regardless. scapegoats found and situations made for convenience.

[ Talent or not. ]

Easy for despair, but, that is the point a strong hope can be born. They are the favored ones in the end.

No, that's wrong. It's not worthless, Komaeda.

[His voice grows a little sharp as he turns, fully facing the other boy with his fist still clenched around the pin.]

No one's life is worthless. Having or not having talent doesn't matter. Everyone's life has meaning.

[He repeats it, emphasizing everyone and looking the other in the eye. Even Komaeda's life has meaning, not just his death as they'd all experienced it in the program.]

And what is the meaning of mine?

[Tell him that, because any meaning there was to it was just too much.]

There is no meaning. All that matters is what you can contribute.

Even here... I can't contribute much. You tried hard before, you're ambitious, you meddle, that accounts for things in a place like this. And now, you can do everything, right? You're impressive. I just make things difficult.

I can't tell you that.

[Sure, he could say that the meaning to Komaeda's life is to atone for everything he'd done during Despair. But it's not fair to expect that of someone who still can't remember that time. And to say that the entire meaning of his life is to make up for what he'd done on the island is too selfish, too self-serving for Hinata to even contemplate.]

I can't tell you exactly what to do. It's still your decision, in the end. But I don't think your life is worthless.

[He tilts his head again, meeting Komaeda's eyes.]

You can learn anything you want. People were willing to teach me here, they'll be willing to teach you. Ask Roxy to teach you how to program. Ask Dirk to teach you how to build robots. Ask Souda, or Tsumiki, or even me. If you really want a way to contribute, we can help.

[The corner of his lips quirk up into a smile.]

If Dirk heard you complaining about how you can't contribute and that somehow makes you worthless, he'd treat you to a lecture breaking down the entire theory of capitalism.

If it's about learning, anyone can learn. I've already learned a lot.

[Just through the manuals and texts he had gotten from the library. If he wanted more there were other things he could get from Ursula. Sure he could also ask other people too, but books were always easier to study. But anyone could learn something, it wasn't that hard. At least, that's how he felt about it. If he could learn things like that it had to be easy.]

I tried to help with the submarine.

[In the end it was better to not touch anything.]

As for capitalism... what does that have to do with anything?

[Really, what did that have to do with anything? That was confusing even. Did money even matter here? He barely felt it mattered back home.]

I'll help you, too.

[In case... it's his luck he's worried about again. As usual. Especially considering he had to be an amateur fire-fighter thanks to Komaeda's luck.

He huffs a quiet laugh and just shakes his head, resisting the urge to press his fingertips to his forehead again.]

It's basically the theory that your life only has value if you can contribute to the corporate machine, or something. He's from a... pretty unique set of circumstances, so he has some different ways of looking at the world.

[But more seriously, he leans forward.]

I mean it though, Komaeda. No one here is worthless. That includes you.

[It was always his luck. Everything came down to it. Probably one of the most powerful ways it had acted was how it had shaped Komaeda's own perception of himself. He wanted to be free from it, which meant he had to put his faith in Hinata ultimately.]

I suppose time will tell.

[He paused a moment, thinking of the 'corporate machine'.]

I was thinking more your life has meaning when you can contribute productively to society.

If you think I can do that... no not burn anything down, then I'll trust you.

[It's a heavy burden, the trust Komaeda's putting in him. It's what he's always wanted, to be someone who could be relied upon, to be his friends, but also... it's heavy.]

There's no question about it. I know you can, if that's what you want.

[He checks his communicator again and nods, pushing himself to his feet.]

Roxy and I had better get to work.

You say that like I could get things I want just by wanting them.

[Such an easy solution did not exist. It never did.]

Roxy?

[It was one thing telling Hinata, it was another thing working with people he knew and learned about. But, this was a new and unfamiliar name.]

Maybe not everything, but that? You've got control over your own future.

[--To a point. But ah yes-]

Oh, Roxy's a good friend of mine. She knows URSULA's code better than anyone else I know, and I trust her completely. I want her help with the programming aspect of it.

All the cats roaming around? She cloned them.

[Including their little mutant kitten living in Room 1, Countess Cocoapuffs.]

[He couldn't help but frown a little. Control? What kind of control!? The same control he always had, avoiding everyone. Or now? Maybe just being around Hinata until Hinata was sick of him? That wasn't control. The only control he had at this moment was being selfish and wanting to live longer now.

Feeling all of this he didn't bother to dignify that statement with a response. Instead just moving onto his actual question.]

Ah! That is impressive then. Does she understand medical terminology? Or were you planning to cover that...?

inbox - subnautica

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