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Huh?

[He pauses, glancing over at her with a puzzled blink. Only for a moment, then his cheeks color as he realizes he... definitely... wasn't acting like a beginner programmer. And he laughs, a little sheepishly, drawing his hands away from the keyboard and running a hand through his hair.]

Oh, no, that's not it... I, uh, learned a lot. In those years I'd forgotten.

[Or something]

[ Roxy just stares at him for a long moment, still confused. It'd taken her a day or two of studying just to be able to comprehend URSULA's alien code, and here he is fixing errors after skimming a small block of her code, without even making a single typo. ]

Uh... yeah. I don't really buy that, but okay.

[ Does it have something to do with the experimenting that he mentioned before? She doesn't want to ask, for fear of upsetting him, but she does hold his hand and give him a knowing look. ]

Hinata...

[ God, how she wishes she could just voidy-thing away his troubles. ]

...

[He doesn't protest her holding his hand; he just turns his hand over and lets his fingers twine with hers, sighing quietly.

He doesn't have a reason to lie. Or even to really hide the truth. Not when his talents could be so beneficial to the people on this base. But he doesn't want to be seen any differently by his friends here, either. But then, she already knows some, and Dirk knows all of it.]

If you want to ask me anything, I'll be honest with you.

[ Roxy wants to know everything. That's why she tracked down Souda and played twenty questions with him. Unfortunately, all that did was raise even more questions, and this situation is already frustrating enough. She's still mad at herself for being unable to do anything about people coming and going without rhyme or reason. She even blames herself for what happened to a tiny degree, because she was responsible for the security that failed. They're never really safe here, if this world can throw them around like that... and it's scary.

She squeezes his hand, rubbing her thumb across his knuckles. ]

What's "Enoshima" and "The Ultimate Despair"?

[ Someone's been snooping, she's been so worried about him and his friends here. ]

...Souda, or Komaeda?

[Which one told her those names. Hinata knows he never mentioned them by name to her. He'd have to think more carefully as to whether or not he even mentioned Enoshima by name to Dirk.

Either way, he just exhales again, meeting her eyes without trouble as his expression settles into something closer to neutral.]

They're the same person. Enoshima was known as the Super High School Level Despair... she infected people with that despair. Used them to throw the world into chaos, sparked The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History.

[The way he says that whole long name makes it all sound like a proper noun. Like it's meant to be said that way, and he's not just exaggerating for effect.]

Edited 2016-10-21 17:21 (UTC)

[ Without clarifying who she got the information from because it's not important, Roxy listens quietly as he explains who Enoshima is and what she'd done. She pulls Hinata's hand into her lap and closes it between both of her own, holding it tight as she appeals to him in earnest, real worry written on her face. ]

And what was your role in all of it?

...

[His hand goes slack in hers, and for a long moment, he just looks at her, analyzing every line on her face. Examines and takes apart every answer he could give her, the resulting paths that would branch from each possibility.]

...If I tell you, you'll be upset.

[It's exactly what he'd told Dirk, before explaining it to him. But he means it even more with Roxy, because while Dirk had seen inside his soul and had his own suspicions even before Hinata had returned with his memories intact, Roxy didn't.]

You don't have to feel sorry for me, Roxy.

Edited 2016-10-21 17:42 (UTC)

[ Roxy frowns. She's already upset, so what difference does it make? And answering her like that only makes her worry more. ]

You said you'd be honest with me.

I am being honest with you.

[He means it. She's not going to like what she hears, at all. But she won't drop it, either.]

Did he mention the Kamukura Project at all?

[Whichever boy she talked to.]

Edited 2016-10-21 17:48 (UTC)

[ She shakes her head; no, that wasn't mentioned. She probably should have spent less time flirting and more time asking the important questions........... ]

No. What about it?

Where I'm from, talent is everything. The "Super High School Levels" you hear my friends and I talk about...? That's not a joke, or an exaggeration. Souda really is the best mechanic of anyone his age. Probably better than most adults, too. It's the same with Tsumiki's talent as a nurse, or even Komaeda's Super High School Level Luck.

Talent is what Hope's Peak scouts for and studies. To be a student of Hope's Peak... it used to be said that graduating from there guaranteed success. Alumni who managed to graduate from that school would be set for life in their profession.

If you didn't have talent... you were considered worthless trash. Not just by the school. That was just... the prevailing attitude of the world.

[She might be able to see where he's going with this as he keeps his eyes on hers, calmly narrating a story as if it's something that had happened to someone else. Someone else entirely. Maybe the plot of a bad manga.]

The Kamukura Project was Hope's Peak Academy's attempt to create someone who possessed every talent. Someone who could truly be called the Super High School Level Hope. And to do that... they would need someone so plain, so ordinary, so worthless and uninteresting, and yet a person who was so enamored by the concepts and ideals of Hope's Peak that he would be willing to give up everything to be considered a member of society. To become a person he could be proud of, a person worthy to stand among those who had talent.

[ Roxy is beginning to think that "normal" is just a myth, because she's yet to meet anyone who fits the description, and she's been to a couple different universes. It's not difficult to put two and two together to know where he's going with all of this. Neon pink eyes glassy from emotion, searching his for something-- anything-- that might tell her this is all a joke. This is just too much. ]

You're right, this upsets me, because "worthless trash" and "uninteresting" ain't words I'd choose to describe you. [ She huffs, feeling insulted on his behalf, because she knows better. ] Not now and definitely not then. No offense, but your world sounds like bullshit. Talent doesn't determine self-worth, it doesn't determine whether or not people will like you, and it sure as shit doesn't determine whether or not you should be proud of yourself.

[ She turns his hand over in her lap and traces her fingers along the lines of his palm. ]

A world like that is too cruel... why would you want to go back to that?

Edited 2016-10-21 18:30 (UTC)

I know that now, but... thanks.

[It still means a lot to hear, even as his lips quirk into a ghost of a rueful smile before firming into another line. He doesn't react to her tracing the lines of his palm other than a slight twitching of his fingers; it tickles a little, he can't help that.]

At the time, though... so much had happened. To me, to the other members of the Reserve Course, dismissed as garbage, as worthless. I truly believed that the Kamukura Project was the only way I could become someone worthy to stand beside Nanami, to actually do something meaningful.

But to turn an ordinary person into a talented person, you'd have to go to extremes. Naturally, [his lips quirk into another brief, more humorless smile,] they went to extremes.

[He locks eyes with her again. Surely she can guess that his description of being erased, of having parts of his brain removed, were because of that project.]

It's not long after that that Enoshima started the process that would lead to The Tragedy. She found Kamukura Izuru, a person Hope's Peak had stripped of personality, had carved away until the only thing left was talent... and showed him the unpredictability Despair could bring. A departure from the boring, predictable life of someone given every talent, every skill.

Edited 2016-10-21 18:57 (UTC)

[ So he was toyed with and experimented on like a goddamn guinea pig. It makes her sick to her stomach. To use science that way was not only unethical, but just...

She pulls his hand to her chest, holding it over her heart. She knows that emptiness as well as she knows the fear of being erased. It's something she fights with every moment of the day, even when she's asleep. Especially when she's asleep. ]

After all of that bs, you want to go back?

[ After completely losing himself? She doesn't understand. She just wants all of her friends here where she can keep an eye on them, watch over and protect them. Why is that too much to ask? ]

Hinata...

[ "I want you to stay with me," her eyes say, and she squeezes his hand. She knows it's selfish, but she's only human. She's allowed to feel selfish every now and then. ]

Are you that unhappy here?

[She may be putting his hand on her heart, but there's also a boob there. It's enough to startle Hinata out of the monotone he'd been threatening to dip into, the dispassionless tone that hints that the person who'd been bored of everything still lurks there, not very far beneath the surface.

His hand stays very, very still, and his eyes search her face again, brows knitting in a sympathetic pain as he shakes his head.]

Roxy, you misunderstand. It's not that I'm unhappy here, it's that... the things I did, the things all of us did under Enoshima's influence... we have to atone for that. The world is on the right path to recovery after the events of The Tragedy, but there's still so much more that has to be done.

[ Roxy's lips press into a thin line. She processes this, and relates it to her own life, her own world, and the job they all have to do back on their new Earth in their new universe. She totally gets it. But all of it has been put on hold while they're here, and their world and the people in it don't even know she's gone. ]

You know that "pocket" universes are... right? Mr. Super-High-School-Level-Good-At-Everything-Including-Quantum-Mechanics-Probably?

Edited 2016-10-21 19:22 (UTC)

I'm familiar with the theory, yeah.

[He just waits without pulling his hand back, waiting for her to elaborate on what she wants to say, what comparison she wants to draw to what he's revealed to her.]

Then you probs know you don't gotta be in a hurry to get back there, right? It's as if time stops for our worlds while we're here. It's been proven over and over again, with my disappearance and now with yours.

[ She squeezes his hand again, holding it against her heart as it races, thumping hard against her chest. This is what he does to her. ]

So you can have a fulfilling life here for years... maybe even a lifetime... and when you go back, it'll be as if you never left.

You can have both, Hinata.

Edited 2016-10-21 19:32 (UTC)

[His own heart thuds in response, a kind of painful sympathy. He really isn't stupid, he knows how she feels about him. She'd all but admitted it before, a reason why he'd been so nervous of seeing her again.

But he just shakes his head, finally glancing away.]

We need to find a way to go back, Roxy. You're right, it may take years to find out how to do it. But that doesn't mean I can relax and hope someone else will solve the mystery of this planet.

[I don't want both. This isn't my future.]

Of course not. I'm not saying you should relax at all.

[ She lets go of his hand and turns towards the laptop. Her hands rest in her lap, and she looks contemplative a moment before letting out a deep, frustrated sigh. ]

Jeez, you're really stubborn. I guess I just have a different view from where I'm sittin', y'know? I mean... I'm immortal, and a lotta people are gonna come and go in my lifetime.

[ Her hands ball into fists. ]

I just wanna take advantage of every opportunity that I can... "forever" is a long time to live with regret.

Edited 2016-10-21 20:00 (UTC)

Immortal...

[Of course. Godmode, like Dirk had said. And his heart aches again for her as he turns back to face her just as she turns back to her computer.

It does put a different perspective on it, though. And he exhales a sigh through his nose. Of course, she has all the time in the world, while he has maybe another seventy years, at best. Still an amount of time almost impossible to fathom for a boy who'd barely been himself for years, but still.]

I'm already living with all my regrets... I don't want you to be another one of them.

...

[ ouch ]

So that's how it is.

Edited 2016-10-21 20:17 (UTC)

Wait, no, that's not--

[He exhales another sigh, this one more frustrated. How can he still trip over his words like this, it doesn't seem right.]

I just meant... I'm, you know...

[No, Hinata, she won't know if you don't use your words.]

[ Roxy realizes a little too late that she's putting him in an awkward spot. She's not being fair. Besides, he likes someone else. ]

... No, it's okay. Shit, I'm sorry. I'm-- I've been told I come on a lil' too strong sometimes. [ Pause. ] Okay, so I come on strong a lot of the times. Point is, I know it's a problem... and I've been doin' a shit job of keepin' it in check, haven't I.

[ She turns to face him again, frowning deeply. God, she's the worst. She just can't keep it in her pants long enough to consider other peoples' feelings, so it's no wonder she's single. Nobody wants a girl who's so desperate. It's just pathetic. ]

I've been out of line and a piece of shit and I'm sorry.

[A lotta strong. It's honestly intimidating for poor Hinata? But when she turns to face him, he just leans in a little, trying to rest his forehead against her shoulder, if she'll let him.]

You're not a piece of shit. [No comment on the other stuff, though.] You're a really good friend of mine, Roxy, I'm sorry I can't just... be the kind of person who can do things that casually.

[He's not going to apologize for feeling the way he does about Hajime, either. That just seems wrong?]

inbox - subnautica

i grabbed a screencap of half of it rq when i realized internet was fucked up but ugh

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