inbox - subnautica

[hopefragment]

[Art by 1815204]

「video | voice | text | telepathy | action」

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[voidkatini]

[ Roxy's heart drops into her stomach.

Is this something she messed up for him? Did she fuck up again? She's pretty sure he can read her-- she's not difficult to read to begin with. His body language isn't exactly reassuring, either, and the next feel that creeps up on her is one she's quite familiar with: shame. ]

Why? If you like her, you should tell her? Why wouldn't it be a good idea?

[hopefragment]

[For once, it's not actually something Roxy did!! It's all Hinata.]

Before I answer... can you tell me something?

[He still doesn't look at her, keeping his eyes on his hands.]

Going home... what does that mean to you?

[voidkatini]

[ Roxy shrugs. Is this. Is this a pop quiz. What if she gets the answers wrong. ]

Iunno, depends what you mean by that. This place is probs the closest thing to a real "home" I've ever had, so...

[hopefragment]

[He just nods. That makes sense, what he knows of her clicking into place. Why she can care so strongly without the same kind of consequences that he can see in the future.]

So you wouldn't want to go back. [It's less a question than a statement, to clarify what she'd said.] If we can solve the mystery of this planet and find a way to return to the places we were before arriving here, then... you wouldn't want to leave?

[voidkatini]

[ Roxy sighs, exasperated. It took a lot of courage to ask him to come here to talk about serious shit, but she didn't think that included talking about stuff like this. ]

What does this have to do with anything? Your girl, in particular?

[hopefragment]

I have to go back.

[That non-answer is enough for him, exhaling his own quiet sigh as he runs a hand through his hair.]

There are people counting on me. Things I have to atone for.

I don't think it would be fair to her. Because if a way opens up to go home... I would have to take it.

[voidkatini]

[ Pulling a pillow into her lap, she hugs it tight, holding onto it like her life depends on it. ]

Oh.

[ She can't fault him for that. She can't. Of course a stand-up guy like Hinata would want to go home and take care of the people he cares about most. ]

[hopefragment]

...I'm sorry, Roxy.

[Because that's an answer to her feelings too, isn't it? If he won't let himself confess to the girl he has feelings for, he won't be able to confess to anyone else, either. Even as much as he might want to.

Even as much as it hurts him to admit.]

You deserve better.

[voidkatini]

[ Roxy shakes her head furiously. ] You gotta do what you gotta do. Why are you apologzin' to me about it? And what do you mean, I "deserve better"? Pfffhaha. You're a really silly boy. This isn't about me!

[ She's such an awful liar. ]

[hopefragment]

Roxy...

[This hurts. This hurts a lot. Her attempt at laughter just hurts even more.]

It is about you. You're important to me, you know...? You deserve someone who... can commit his full attention to you. Someone who can love you without reservation, because that's the kind of person you are.

1/2

[voidkatini]

For fuck sake, H, can you not? Seriously. [ Roxy doesn't want talk about her feelings for him. Period. That's not why she asked him to meet up with her. ]

Look, I get it, and I don't blame you. You got important shit to do back home. I got important shit to do in my universe too, even if I don't wanna leave, but-- I dunno. That doesn't mean I gotta be happy with--

[voidkatini]

-- with losin' you.

[ Roxy frowns. She's lost so many people already. ]

[hopefragment]

[He flinches, lips pursing tightly together as he brings a hand up to clutch at the knot of his tie in a half-remembered gesture to try to keep his composure. It's been a long time since he's had to do anything like that, but here he is.]

...You make it sound like I'm going to walk out the door and be gone forever. Trust me, when the time comes... if I have any choice in the matter, I won't just vanish from your life. I wouldn't want that.

[He. Can't tell if trying to hug her would make things worse, so he just kind of. Pulls his hand from his tie and offers it to her.]

I'll always be your friend.

[voidkatini]

[ Roxy ignores the hand offered to her, and shoves her face in her pillow instead. ]

Don't bullshit me. That's what leaving here means.

[hopefragment]

[He keeps his hand out another few seconds before exhaling quietly through his nose and retracting it, staring at the floor. He's messed up.]

I'm sorry.

[voidkatini]

Me too.

[ As her hands begin to shake, she grips the pillow tighter, wanting nothing more than to wrap her lips around a Vodka bottle and be done with it. ]

Hahaha, yanno, I think I liked it better when I couldn't feel anything.

[hopefragment]

Don't say that!

[His voice is suddenly very sharp as he jolts up, looking back toward her again as his stomach twists uncomfortably.]

I didn't mean to hurt you, but please don't say something like that.

[voidkatini]

[ Her eyes widen and she too jolts, startled by the sudden movement, and definitely not expecting that kind of reaction out of him. Not when she only meant what she said half-heartedly. ]

Dude, it was a joke! Sorry.

[ Not to self: don't ever joke about being a soulless husk again. That's not cool. ]

You didn't-- you didn't hurt me, you know. It would suck if you had to leave but like I said, I get it. You got shit to do. Actually... I really admire that. Your dedication, I mean.

[hopefragment]

[Yes, that definitely falls into the realm of things that are Not Cool. He exhales a ragged breath and rubs a hand over his face. He'd overreacted... another thing he hadn't thought he'd be capable of doing.]

Thanks. I just... wish there were a way I could have it both ways. Because I'm... I'm really happy, to have so many friends here. I wouldn't want to leave any of you, but...

I can't afford to be selfish.

[voidkatini]

[ The girl who sacrificed herself to the Void so the base could get some fucking shut-eye can't really blame him. She'd do the same thing. If leaving everyone here meant saving someone, even one person, she'd do it in a heartbeat. ]

You're such a great guy... [ He really is. She's proud to call herself his friend. ]

'cept now that I know you're gonna leave someday, it just makes me wanna kiss you even more.

[ she can't believe herself sometimes? she's so gross???? ]

[hopefragment]

[He barks a short, startled laugh, glancing toward her again as a smile tugs at the corners of his lips.]

Didn't you bring be here to apologize for kissing me? And now you're talking about doing it again.

[He's teasing her now, he's clearly teasing. Because this is more comfortable ground with her, pretending like it wasn't anything serious. That there's no way she could have feelings for him that he's mercilessly shooting down.]

[voidkatini]

[ Roxy giggles. This is WAY better than being serious. Being serious just leads to bad feels, and ain't nobody got time for those. They've reached their bad feels quota for the next millennium with that nightmare bullshit. Kissing is a much nicer topic. ]

I'm just bein' honest? I really liked kissin' you, it was fun. And... [ Her face turns red. ]

It was nice. Iunno, if you don't have any intentions on askin' any girls out, wouldn't it be okay to fool around a lil'?

[hopefragment]

[He groans quietly, burying his face in his hands. How could this happen to him, Hajime Hinata?! This is the kind of thing that happens to protagonists in manga.

This really is the ideal situation for anyone, isn't it?! Physical affection with no strings attached. He'd be a fool to say no.]

I... don't think that's a good idea, Roxy.

[He says without pulling his hands away from his face. There's what he saw in her face earlier, first of all, not to mention,]

I don't think I can be that kind of person. Who can just, you know, fool around. Sorry...

[voidkatini]

[ She laughs again. ]

Well, it was worth a shot. Can I at least have a hug?

[hopefragment]

Yeah. That I can do.

[Hug is a go! He shifts in closer and wraps his arms around her in a tight embrace, hiding his face over her shoulder so she can't see his flush. He... still isn't totally sure how he feels about any of this. It's one thing to talk big about not wanting anyone to be hurt, but it's quite another to try to leave it alone entirely, too.

For now, he just lets himself hug her, relishing the warmth.]