hopefragment | inbox

so i remembered somethin today
you sayin theres someone you like
well i just wanted you to know how grateful i am for a friend like you
im sorry i got my feels all over you that night and acted gross
you were so patient with me
and so
INTENSE swoon swoon swoooooooooOOOOON
ahem
i hope the girl u like likes u back
and that u get a happy end
youre a great guy hinata
no one deserves it more than u
<3

Edited 2016-10-05 13:50 (UTC)

you don't have anything to thank me for
or apologize for
if you insist on being grateful for something like that, you have to know that i'm just as grateful to have a friend like you, too

what brings this up...?

[ Days later, Roxy finally replies: ]

hey

roxy
what happened
are you ok

im fine

[ She is not fine. ]

you?

better now that i've heard from you

can i come see you?

why

Edited 2016-10-12 02:27 (UTC)

because i missed you
i was worried about you

[He's still worried about her. Especially with these kinds of texts.]

we don't have to talk or anything if you don't want to

im in the eastern observatory

[ Watching fish swim is relaxing. ]

i'll be right there

[And he is there, in record time, knocking quietly against the doorframe of the observatory.]

Hey.

[He sounds tired, exhausted even; even the days without nightmares hadn't really been enough to wipe the memory of what he'd experienced under sedation from his mind. Even planning the sleepover and trying to use that as a distraction hadn't been enough. Even with all his talents, every psychological coping mechanism known to his concept of modern science, none of it could really do anything.

Logically, he knew it would take time. But logic isn't enough to keep him from wishing it weren't happening.

He'll move slowly to sit near her, footsteps nearly silent as he makes a special point to avoid any sudden movements. He has a covered plate in one hand; some of the apple cookies he'd baked the day before for the sleepover.]

[ Any other time, Roxy might have pounced him as soon as he appeared in the doorway, or she might have at least met him in the doorway and greeted him. She's just as tired as he is, if not moreso; taking the entirety of the nightmarescape into you can do that. It can do a whole lot of other things, too.

She knows how should feel to see him, but every fiber of her being is screaming at her to run away. She doesn't want to be here. Not with him. Not with someone who cares, when she doesn't even have a feel for herself anymore.

She says nothing when he enters, and she only glances at him out of the corner of her eye when he takes a seat. She pulls her blanket around her tighter and shivers, vacant stare zoning out on nothing in particular on the other side of the glass. ]

[He sets the plate down, the quiet clack of plastic against floor almost oppressively loud in the silence. He doesn't need any SHSL talents to know that something's wrong; his eyes search her face, all silent concern, looking for the smallest hint that she needs something like her usual physical affection.

Instead, as a kind of test, as he sets the plate down he shifts closer to her, letting his shoulder gently bump against her blanket-wrapped one, but going no further. Just that gentle pressure of his shoulder against hers as he follows her gaze out the window.

If she wants to talk, she'll talk. Maybe not to him, and that's fine. More than anything, he just hopes that his presence is enough to remind her that she isn't alone.]

[ It does the opposite, unfortunately. She's desperately trying to feel anything for him, anything at all, and all she's getting is a headache for the effort. She's never felt this empty in her entire life; she'd take anything at this point. To go from feeling so strongly about everything, to caring about absolutely nothing, not even herself... ]

...

[ She pulls her blanket tighter around herself, beginning to shiver, her teeth lightly chattering in the eerie quiet of the observatory. When she can latch onto an emotion, it's always a deep, unfettered sadness, the same kind that has taken root in the Sea Dragon and driven him insane. ]

[He lets the silence hang in the air between them for a few long minutes, watching the little eddies in the water, the way minute particles swirl around with the current, the way fish swim. There's a lot to look at, in the ocean; there's something about watching it move that's kind of soothing in its difficulty to predict.

After three minutes of silence, he ventures to speak, voice low as he glances sideways to her.]

It's fine if you don't want to talk... do you mind if I do?

[ She shakes her head and hangs it, resting her forehead against her knees. She doesn't mind if he wants to talk. She would talk, but... Only if she knew she could go a second without being uncharacteristically morbid and/or depressing... or worse. ]

Edited 2016-10-12 13:06 (UTC)

Okay.

[But he still doesn't say anything immediately, taking a few seconds to organize his thoughts, return his gaze to the ocean. Even after speaking about it with Komaeda at the sleepover the night before, there's so much that he's fully aware his mind has repressed in an effort at self-protection. A futile effort to preserve something that's already been manipulated and played with long before his time in the dreamscape.]

I tested something. While you were gone. I tried to use heavy sedation to avoid entering the dreamscape. The logic being that if I remained in the lowest level of the sleep cycle, it would be impossible to dream.

But what I experienced instead... I lost myself. Overwhelmed with pain and fear, being torn apart piece by piece.

[He shivers, suddenly chilled himself as he keeps staring at the ocean, intentionally reaching deeper, forcing himself to remember what he'd felt.]

You... were trying to help everyone, weren't you? Your text. You tried to use your powers, right...?

Did something like... what happened to me happen to you, too?

[ Up until now, Roxy has been expressionless and silent, a prisoner to her own mind, body, and soul. When he relates his experience with the dreamscape and the Void with her, though, her head tilts to look at him, her jaw agape when he says he... lost himself.

Her eyes begin looking a bit too wet. ]

What the fuck were you thinking?

Edited 2016-10-12 13:35 (UTC)

[He hears the subtle shift of clothing and blanket when she glances to look at him, and he looks away from the observatory glass to meet her eyes. It takes an instant to see that her eyes are wet, and he feels... bad. And yet relieved beyond measure. If she can cry, that's better than just... emptiness.

So as he explains, he keeps his voice low and quiet, just trying to project himself as someone calm and comforting. Even though it hurts. It's obvious in his eyes, the slight way his flesh prickles with goosebumps.]

Current medical theory suggests that dreaming is the brain's way of learning and remembering new experiences by shaping them into a form for your brain to practice. This is accomplished through what's called REM sleep, rapid eye movement, and occurs in the lightest stage of the human sleep cycle. If I could bypass REM sleep by forcing my sleep cycle to remain in the lowest level, then perhaps the connection to the dreamscape could be blocked. It wouldn't have been a long term solution, but... it was my attempt to help everyone here.

[ She's angry.

She's angry because she's helpless. There isn't a damn thing she can do against the Sea Dragon, nor his powers, nor his minions in the Void, who attack them at any given moment, unprovoked.

She's angry because her loved ones keep disappearing without warning, never to be seen again.

And now she's angry that another dear friend is fucking with the Void, the absolute source of her misery. ]

No fucking shit. It was still stupid.

Edited 2016-10-12 13:54 (UTC)

You're right.

[He agrees easily enough. It was stupid. He knows it was stupid. But it had to be tested.]

That's why I had to do it. If I didn't... Komaeda would have. And especially knowing what the consequences were... I'm glad it was me.

[He glances to her again, eyes flicking over her face, reading her anger.]

You're the same way, aren't you...? That's why you did what you did.

[ Roxy is a mess of things right now, none of them good. When he explains what he did, despite how stupid she thinks it is, she also thinks it's super heroic. Selfless beyond measure, and just the sort of thing she expected from a good guy like Hianta.

It also makes him super hot in her book. Goddamn. ]

Something like that.

Edited 2016-10-12 14:17 (UTC)

[He nods, just once, and sighs quietly through his nose. For once, he'd hoped his incredible perception was wrong. That he'd made a mistake. But if she's reacting this way, and responding to his explanation like this, then...]

It hurts, right...? Not knowing... not being able to trust your own feelings, your own thoughts. Going through all of that.

It's... like despair, isn't it?

[ Welcome to her nightmare, Hinata. That's life for the Rogue of Void. The nightmares are just giving everyone a taste of what it's like to be her every goddamn day. ]

Yeah.

Edited 2016-10-12 17:02 (UTC)

Yeah.

[He exhales quietly through his nose again and returns his gaze back out to the ocean beyond, just sitting there. There's no real way for him to help her, he's quickly realizing. For all his talents, the thing that will help her most is time. Time to process this, time to-- regain herself.

He knows all about that.]

I know it doesn't sound very impressive right now, but... I know you'll be able to get through this. You're one of the strongest people I know. The future holds more possibilities than... what we felt.

[ Time doesn't actually fix things. It just makes them easier to deal with. ]

You don't know anything.

[ She breaks down and holds her head between her hands, her head pounding and her nausea flaring as she struggles with the dissonance of her soul. When the Void left her, it damn near sucked her entire soul out of her body. But that's not even the worst part of all of this.

The reality is, that even if she reclaims those lost pieces, she still won't feel whole. She may never feel whole. ]

You're wasting your time.

Edited 2016-10-12 18:22 (UTC)

10/5, private text;

private text;

10/11, still private;

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