hopefragment | Dangan Mingle!

[Well dinner sure seems much quieter now. It has for several days, since first Souda, then Tsumiki vanished without a trace. Hinata couldn't help but hope that it was a situation like he and Souda had gone through already; disappear for a week, return having new experiences and memories restored. But it's been more than that, now, and he's slowly starting to come to terms with the fact that two more people he cares about have disappeared without a trace.

So he's quiet as he finishes cooking some fish, dishes it out with some rice and cooked vegetables, and brings both plates over to the table they usually sat at. A quick glance at the time, and he nods. Komaeda should be here any minute... assuming he hasn't vanished, too.]

[Komaeda was still here, and not vanishing anytime soon, well hopefully at the very least. He's right on time as well, but then he has made sure to arrive on time every day. Though with almost everyone gone it's getting a little sad, his feelings might be a bit complicated when it came to both Tsumiki and Souda, but... they were still his precious classmates. He also felt more guilty that Hinata was stuck with all the cooking, and stuck with just him.]

Good evening Hinata kun!

[Still, he spoke as cheerfully as he ever did.]

Though it's been a bit too long for Souda kun... perhaps Tsumiki san will still come back...?

[Lets believe in Hope!]

Ah, evening...

[His lips twist into an uncertain frown, and he just offers a noncommittal hum in response to the other's question as he sits down and grabs a fork so he can start to eat. Maybe she will come back... but it's hard not to think the worst when neither Sonia nor Souda has come back yet. It's not hope or despair motivating that hum, just careful pragmatism.]

I'd feel better if we knew for sure what happened when people vanished from URSULA's sensors. I've been working to improve their range, maybe eventually get the whole planet, but... it's been harder than I thought.

[Someone needs to try and stay positive, and belief in hope can only fake so much. But, he is trying. He's trying to believe in their last conversation and not internalize the misfortunes. ]

I'm sure if anyone can figure that out it's you. You've managed a lot so far. It just might take some time.

[There were a lot of 8nteligent and talented people on the base, with skills that lent themselves to these sorts of problems.]

Though... I have to admit, I do feel a bit worried.

I want to run a few more ideas past Dirk and Roxy, but... thanks.

[Those two are the ones he tends to work with the most closely, since with Dirk's robotics knowledge and Roxy's programming skill, it makes his self-assumed workload much lighter.

He hums again, pausing with the fork halfway to his mouth, and glances toward the other boy to gauge his expression.]

Are you worried one of us might be next? [he asks frankly. No point beating around the bush, after all. It's a valid concern.]

Yes. I feel like you might disappear again any moment.

[He honestly woke up in the middle of the night with that fear, not that he would share it. It was a bit comforting to be able to check quickly if it were true or not.]

Also... sometimes I wonder if maybe it was unlucky for you to have me be the one left....

[He hadn't meant to say that exactly, but it was something on his mind. He felt like a burden, and though he was ninety-five precent sure Hinata didn't feel that way, it was still a fear. Souda could help build things, Tsumiki could lend aid to their understaffed medical bay.... He had to be babysat so kitchen fires didn't happen and work spaces didn't fall in on themselves. He couldn't even cook for himself beyond making toast! And maybe using a rice cooker and microwave.

The self loathing was piling in thick and he poked at his dinner playing with it more than eating.]

[He just hums quietly yet again, putting the fork down and staring at a point somewhere beyond the other boy. Komaeda's smart enough that there's no point lying to him and promising that he won't disappear. They both know he can't make that promise, not until they solve exactly what's happening to everyone. It's comforting to think that they might be returning home, but without any evidence... it's hard to hold out hope for that.]

I feel the same way, [he admits finally, gaze flicking to meet Komaeda's.] That you might vanish without a word any day. Before Souda showed up, it was just me from our class... I don't want to go back to that.

[Because it ties into his deeper fear of just disappearing, a visceral fear he's become all-too-familiar with. Or worse, watching all of his friends disappear one by one and leave him alone.

He hasn't broken eye contact as he adds,] So... I think I'm really lucky that you're still here.

[There's a moment when he feels dread welling up inside him listening to Hinata, until the other finishes. He can feel himself let go of a breath he hadn't known he was holding, and a small wave of relief settle in. Even if he had been told, and even if he understood, his feelings always kept going back to the negative.

He took a deep breath and seemed to steal himself slightly, looking back at Hinata with a bit of a determination.]

No matter what, I will stay by you and help you anyway I can. That... that is the least I can do. And it's what I want to do.

No matter what, I will always support you.

[But to do that most effectively....]

There's something I have to ask though.

...That's all I can ask for.

[His lips curve up into a small, genuine smile at hearing that he has Komaeda's support. Like the other boy, it's something he already knows, but hearing it is always a support in and of itself. Even if neither of them can promise to stay.

He doesn't go back to eating just yet, though he knows the fish is getting cold. Instead, he raises an eyebrow and tilts his head.]

What is it?

What was I like...? In the past. If you know. I feel like I can't just ignore it anymore. And, maybe it would be good to know some of the future as well.

[He knew he didn't die, that was one thing, and... he seemed to be on good terms with everyone, more or less? Basing how Souda changed a bit when he had returned at least. But... he needed to understand the Remnants of Despair more. He needed to try and deal with That Whole Thing.]

I've been being a coward.

Mm.

[Well, dinner will have to wait, this is Important. Hinata just pushes the plate aside entirely for now; he can always microwave it again later.]

If you're asking about your school memories... I don't really know a lot of that firsthand. Most people in the Main Course didn't bother with us. At best, we were just ignored. At worst...

[He just trails off, one corner of his lips quirking up into a humorless smile. No need to go into the worst of it.]

We did meet once, though. After the Kamukura Project. I don't know how you figured it out, but you found Enoshima's hideout in Hope's Peak, after she incited the Reserve Course riots. You were going to kill her for being Despair, but I interfered.

As luck would have it, the pistol you pointed at me -- I still don't know how you managed to get that into Japan, by the way -- jammed before it could go off. I disarmed you and tried to shoot you myself, but your student handbook blocked the bullet and saved your life.

[He's choosing his words more cautiously now. He doesn't want to lie to the other boy, in case he does eventually get his memories back, but he also has to frame it very carefully.]

The impression I got of you then... you were very much the way you were on the island. You were trying to test Enoshima to see if she was a strong enough Despair to serve as a stepping stone to inspire a greater hope in our class.

Souda kun mentioned I was expelled at some point.... I guess I tried to stop some sort of exams and blew up the gym?

[He had decided based on the little Souda had been able to tell him that it had made perfect sense.]

We did?

[He was a bit surprised by that, though not about finding Enoshima. He felt, if anything, he probably would have at some point. That seemed inevitable. He wasn't sure where he would have gotten a gun either, but, that really wasn't that hard for him to picture either. Things always found a way....

Though, he did frown a bit as the story continued. So Hinata, no, Kamukura Izuru had interfered? He had to assume that's what happened, considering the timeline.

Knowing this he felt conflicted. A great Despair would definitely bring a greater Hope! But... had this despair been worth the hope it would bring? From his point of view right now, not having seen the end trial, not knowing what happens outside the Neo World Program, he couldn't help but feel that it was a no. That it would have been better to have neutralized her as soon as possible. But it was hard to say... without knowing the end result.]

How troubling to know that a lot of things could have been stopped then.

[But, there was more to think about what Hinata said than just Enoshima and her Despair being a stepping stone to Hope.]

But... you really did shoot me? It jammed? I hadn't even met you before right?

[The troubled expression he had when considering Enoshima was melting away as his eyes brightened at the mental image in his head. What was this excited feeling?]

It got that close?

[He raised a hand to his chest, he could almost feel his heart beating faster. He couldn't remember it, but his body felt like it was going aflutter.]

I thought it would be nice if you tried, I feel a little relieved that it happened in the past.

I read about it later, but at the time it happened... I don't have any memory of that span of time. It would have been after the Project started.

[There wasn't any cable news in the Talent Tube^TM.

"Troubling" is one way to put it, and Hinata nods, expression sobering as his lips press into a thin line. It's one of many things he tries not to dwell on from that time, because he knows he wasn't himself. And he knows no matter how many times he replays that scene, or the other things he remembers of his time as Kamukura, it won't change a thing.

But it doesn't stop the sinking feeling of guilt that he has to live with.]

...Yeah. It's how I was so confident that the gun wouldn't go off when I came back here.

I... can show you, if you want. The memory from my perspective. I might be able to use telepathy.

I want to see!

[It was blurted out quickly, far too eagerly. He has to stop himself and pull himself back a bit.]

If you don't mind.

[So something like that actually existed.]

[Komaeda... why are you like this. He can't quite keep his expression from slipping into incredulous disbelief for a split second, in spite of the seriousness.]

Right, hang on... I've never really tried to do this before, but Mikleo was able to show me a memory before.

[He closes his eyes, trying not to think too hard about whether or not this is actually a good idea, and briefly speaks into Komaeda's mind just to test it.]

I get that you want to see it, but... keep in mind, it's from my perspective, not a video or anything.

[And he does try to project the memory as best he can, starting from watching Komaeda confront Junko, to the point where Komaeda finally passes out from being shot. He'll be able to see Nanami there too, of course, see her obvious concern for them both.]

See it?

[It was a bit odd to see himself from the point of view of another. It was a bit odd to watch himself do something he didn't remember at all as well. But... he felt he could almost feel the moment. This... it explained a lot to him. Things clicked in place in a way he wasn't sure before.

It was nice to know. He wished he could remember it properly.

He almost died... it almost got him. He failed because of that moment.

That moment definitely had to happen! It was a key point to leading up to... well, now! And whatever the future held, which didn't seem like it was too bad. Hinata came back a little different, but still the same where it counted. And though he always talked about making up and needing to do things, they were all together?

Perhaps a greater Hope did come after it all.]

Thank you Hinata kun! It means a lot to me. You may not understand why, but it truly does, thank you.

[He opens his eyes slowly, brows still furrowed in a kind of concern as his gaze traces the other boy's face. He's looking for any hint, any sign that showing him was the wrong thing to do, that it might somehow make things even worse for him

It seems to be the opposite, though, and Hinata exhales a quiet sigh of relief, rubbing his fingertips against his temples and trying to shove aside another pang of guilt.]

You're welcome. I don't really get it, but... if it helps you, that's all I could ask for.

Of course you don't. But that's alright. It's part of who you are. Maybe one day you'll be able to understand. But, I don't mind if you don't.

After all, the thick headed Hinata kun is perfectly alright, and normal.

[It was like a sort of proof that Hinata was still Hinata.]

If you're trying to make me feel better, adding the part about me being thick-headed isn't really necessary.

[But he snorts with some amusement and shakes his head, resting his hands on the table.]

But... thanks. I guess.

[At least he didn't say stupid? Because he could have.]

Ne, Hinata kun.

[He paused a moment, just long enough to seem like he wasn't going to say anything again. But before it's too long he speaks up.]

Did something happen the other day?

[A complete change of subject.]

Hm?

[He genuinely feels like he just got emotional whiplash. What could have possibly happened the other day that could have anything to do with what they were talking about...?]

What do you mean?

I saw you asleep on a drone....

[There was a definite, "are you being purposefully stupid" tone here.]

Also, there was something that Souda kun said to me before that has made me a little curious.

[Please just divulge the information before he has to try and peice it together in a step by step process.]

[He's just thick-headed, apparently-!]

O-oh, that... I was working on something and lost track of time.

[Yeah, he's. definitely not using any kind of talent for lying right now, the faintest hints of a flush suffusing his cheeks. He just reaches over to grab his dinner again, purposefully stabbing his fork into the fish rather than look at the other boy.]

What did Souda say?

Something about room rules. For some reason it was an important topic after he decided I must like someone here.

[He doesn't add anything more, he's just going to stare at Hinata until he offers something useful. He could turn this into a two person debate. Lets start a battle!]

Dangan Mingle!

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